I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
