On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
