Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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