my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
