you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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