I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
