I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
