Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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