WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
