I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
