I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
