My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
this boner is exhausting
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
