i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
