plz talk dirty to me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
