Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
