Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
