The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
