Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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