i already hear my dad disowning me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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