in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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