i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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