im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
