you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
