hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
