I think im going to throw up on grandma
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
