she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
