Can i not drive my cunt home
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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