I don't usually arrange sex via text message
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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