he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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