I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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