who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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