so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
