My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
