put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hippo gnu deer
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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