you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
