since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
