Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
