I wanna bring you to show and tell
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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