they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
