Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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