They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
