I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
