i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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