I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
