Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
