he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
