Only a mothe r could love this liver
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
