I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
