i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
