Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
