people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
