We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
