I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
