I will die if light touches me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
