i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
