is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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