you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
